…and today I just wish I were dead.
Some days you just don't have the emotional energy to do anything more than that. It takes everything you've got just to get through the day, to make it from waking to sleeping without banging out your brains on the walls just to get some relief from what that brain is doing to your heart.
I feel like Christians have this need to tell me to STOP it, STOP feeling this way. They want to throw platitudes, sermons, etc. at me, and they want me to smile bravely and say I feel better, so they can walk away feeling like they did something good. Or better yet, burst into roses and sunshine and belt out, like little orphan Annie, "The sun will come out…tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun…TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YOU, TOMORROW, it's only a day away." And maybe even do a little tap dance to show how much better they've made me feel.
And most of the time I'll pretend so that they can feel good about themselves and unguilty for walking away, back to their own unbroken lives, while I'm still in the depths.
Well, too bad. I FEEL this way. And your platitudes and Bible verses and "God will work it out"s don't help, not at all. They only make me feel less understood. You can sit there and judge me for being an obstinate brat who refuses to be comforted, or you can sit here with me and just listen and try to understand me. Or you can just skip to the end and walk away. Job probably would have felt better if his friends hadn't come to see him at all.
Some days you just don't have the emotional energy to do anything more than that. It takes everything you've got just to get through the day, to make it from waking to sleeping without banging out your brains on the walls just to get some relief from what that brain is doing to your heart.
I feel like Christians have this need to tell me to STOP it, STOP feeling this way. They want to throw platitudes, sermons, etc. at me, and they want me to smile bravely and say I feel better, so they can walk away feeling like they did something good. Or better yet, burst into roses and sunshine and belt out, like little orphan Annie, "The sun will come out…tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun…TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YOU, TOMORROW, it's only a day away." And maybe even do a little tap dance to show how much better they've made me feel.
And most of the time I'll pretend so that they can feel good about themselves and unguilty for walking away, back to their own unbroken lives, while I'm still in the depths.
Well, too bad. I FEEL this way. And your platitudes and Bible verses and "God will work it out"s don't help, not at all. They only make me feel less understood. You can sit there and judge me for being an obstinate brat who refuses to be comforted, or you can sit here with me and just listen and try to understand me. Or you can just skip to the end and walk away. Job probably would have felt better if his friends hadn't come to see him at all.
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